"No." Is a complete sentence

Having healthy boundaries is an essential part of leading a stable mental, emotional and physical life. Lack of boundaries can cause you to feel taken advantage of or mentally drained. It can heighten stress levels, cause mood swings, dependency etc. All of which affects your mental health.

What are Boundaries?

A boundary is a rule or limit created to reinforce safety, comfort and personal space. Boundaries are necessary regardless of the type of relationship. Whether it's friends, co-workers, your significant other or family, boundaries help people understand what behaviors are and are not acceptable. If one has boundaries that are too rigid, that person may feel isolated or lack close relationships. Someone with loose boundaries may be dependent on others to make decisions or possibly over share their personal information. A person who has healthy boundaries is one who has the ability to set limits with others while maintaining healthy, stable, intimate relationships. Balance is key. There are many types of boundaries : emotional, physical, material, sexual, time.

What Healthy Boundaries look like

Saying no without guilt.

Respecting others space and time.

Having healthy self care.

Saying yes, not out of obligation or fear.

Asking for what you need.

Accepting when someone says no.

Letting go of the end result.

Being in tune with your own feelings.

Signs of Unhealthy or Lacking Boundaries

• Avoiding interaction with certain people because you feel bad for saying no or worry they may ask you for something.

• Feeling resentful or easily angered/frustrated.

• People pleasing for fear of disappointment or disapproval of others.

• Expecting someone to allow behavior that you would allow.

• Saying yes to something you want to say no to.

• Not having enough time for yourself or self care.

• Passive aggressiveness. Responding nicely but behaving negatively. Giving people the silent treatment. Gossiping. This can look like many different things.

• Making the assumption that people will change without addressing or calling out their behavior.

• Difficulty making firm decisions.

• Depending on others for your happiness.

• Letting others define you or make decisions for you.

• Allowing someone to touch you in a way that makes you uncomfortable.

• Not speaking up or standing up for yourself when you feel you have been mistreated.

• Enabling any form of abuse.

Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries

Imagine your life as a bubble. A bubble filled with positive energy, light, love, peace. Set a standard. Anything or anyone who doesn't reflect those positive qualities are not allowed into your space. Figure out what you need to do in order to maintain that positive space. Setting boundaries is not easy but it is necessary.

• Pay attention to your energy around certain people.

• Heal. Recover from past mistakes, traumas, failed relationships. That way you don't repeat cycles or negative behaviors with other people.

• Figure out what makes YOU happy.

• Identify behaviors that make you uncomfortable.

• Respect the boundaries of other people.

• Understand that you have the right to say "no" without explanation.

• Realize, the way others feel is not more important than your own feelings.

• Think about healthy ways to respond if someone violates your boundary.

• Work on assertiveness and practice expressing yourself using "I statements."

If setting boundaries is something that is new to you and the people in your life, it may bring about feelings of guilt, anxiety, selfishness. Feel those feelings but remain consistent. People may test you, ghost you, they may become defensive, continue to push your limits, ignore you. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS OR FEELINGS. You are only in control of your feelings and your behavior. If someone is unwilling to respect the boundaries you have set-be ready to follow through with consequences.

Photo: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/