One Word: Grief

What is Grief?

Grief is ones response to loss. Loss can come in the form of many different things. Death of a loved one, pet, loss of a friendship, divorce or break up, retirement, loss of a job, moving away. No matter the loss, grieving may be a normal part of the healing process. If I had to describe grief, I'd describe it as a heavy load that overtime becomes lighter and lighter. I'd relate grief to getting a deep cut. Over time the cut heals, but leaves a mark. A mark that came about from a deep cut and remains a scar. Sometimes for the rest of your life. The pain is deep at first but slowly fades away.

Grief & Loss Theories

There are many different theorists who have their own set of beliefs when it comes to grief and loss.

According to Kubler & Ross, There are 5 stages of grief. Not everyone

goes through each stage and not always in this particular order.

1. Denial - "This can't be happening."

2. Anger - Using resentment or blame. Asking "Why?"

3. Bargaining - "I would do anything to change this."

4. Depression - Feelings of sadness, guilt or regret.

5. Acceptance - "It's tough but It's going to be okay."

Worden's model of grief states we have "tasks" we go through when

grieving.

Task 1: Accept the reality of the loss.

Task 2: Process your grief and pain. Task 3: Adjust to the world without your loved one in it.

Task 4: Find a way to maintain a connection to the person who died

while embarking on your own life.

Stroebe & Schut suggest secondary losses that involve routine,

relationships and lifestyle go through 4 stages.

1. Adapting to a new role.

2. Managing changes in routine.

3. Developing new ways of connecting with family and friends.

4. Cultivating a new way of life.

How to Cope?

Grief is a necessary part of loss. Not everyone grieves the same. However, not allowing yourself the opportunity to go through the process, could eventually lead Depression or Anxiety. Here are some ways to cope.

• Allow yourself the space and permission to grieve. Again, there is no right or wrong way. Know that grief is a normal response to loss. It's okay to not be okay sometimes.

• Tangible Expression. Allowing yourself to be able to see or touch your grief helps. Journal about how you fell or writing a letter to your loved one can help.

• Lean on your Faith. This can be helpful if it applies. Many religions have different beliefs. Rely on what helps you get through.

• Confide in your support system. This could be family, close friends, support group or even a therapist. Life is not meant to live and go through things alone.

• Hobbies. Continue with old ones, (as long as they are healthy) or find new ones. Take time for you.

• Do something in remembrance or to celebrate new beginnings. If comfortable, try to do something to remember your loved one, Whether it's visiting their grave each year, having a small get together on a birthday or significant holiday. Get creative. If the loss is a separation or retirement, host a small gathering of supportive friends, family. Again, there is no right or way. Do what works for you and makes you feel good.

• Plan ahead. Sometimes the anniversary dates of loss can trigger old emotions or sadness. Be prepared. Try to plan for some extra self care around those times.

When Professional Help is a necessity

Seeking any type of professional help, at any point is always healthy. If you feel life is not worth living, your daily activities or routine have been severely impacted, you wish you could have died instead of your loved one or wish you could have died with them, you feel numb to emotions or disconnected from people, it may be time to seek a professional for help.

If you are feeling suicidal, call 1-800-273-TALK(8255)

Or text 741741 (charges may apply)

To find a therapist, click here. To find a support group, click here.

Usually Hospice provides free grief counseling-contact your local Hospice to find out more information.