Relationship Gems

It's no secret how much I love Jada Pinkett Smith's Red Table Talks. It's been refreshing to hear and see honest conversations around relationships, love, raising children, race etc. on a public platform, from a dope, introspective, black family.

Above is an excerpt of Red Table Talk from Entertainment Tonight. You can find the full two part series on Facebook.

In the two part-video series, Jada, her mother Adrienne, daughter Willow and Will sat down to talk about Jada and Will's relationship throughout the years. They discussed how they met, dating, rumors and obstacles they've had to overcome and are still working on in their marriage. I don't have "relationship goals." But I most definitely respect marriage and all couples who are working together to maintain their union. No matter how long they've been married because to me, longevity means nothing if the situation is not healthy.

Above is the Equality Wheel which shows what a healthy relationship looks like.

There were many gems I took away from the Red Table Talk with Will and Jada. Here are a few.

# 1. Define your own relationship. Jada and Will discussed how they had to step away from the worlds definition of marriage and and create their own Life Partnership. I respect that. Not everything works for everyone. And in 2018, "gender roles" have evolved.

# 2. Know what you want & be comfortable speaking up about what you need in your relationship. Jada talked about how early on, up until recently, she spent years sacrificing her needs while taking care of her family and supporting Will's career. She spent valuable time re-evaluating and discovering who she was and what truly made her happy. At the same time, Will humbled himself and realized although he was providing and protecting, he wasn't in tune to what Jada needed in their relationship. In his words, he was only satisfying his ego.

I believe in first finding stability, joy and purpose while you are single. Then when you enter into a relationship, you have that happiness and self awareness. Not only can you recognize and communicate your needs but you're also willing to understand your partners needs too. Know your love language.

Everyone gives and receives love differently. This can at times be easier said than done. Especially if you aren't "use" to giving love a certain way but as long as BOTH people are willing and trying-that's key. This doesn't mean one person is in control of your happiness either. Only you can control that.

# 3. Set healthy boundaries & do it early. There was a part in the video where Jada and Will discussed one of their most memorable arguments. Will explained that for the first time-Jada spoke to him in a disrespectful way. She used inappropriate language in front of their oldest son and their friends. Will immediately pulled her to the side and let her know, that was not okay. He spoke about having to witness his father mistreat and abuse his mother physically and emotionally and he would not deal with that in his own relationship. Basically, if they had to engage with one another in that way, it wouldn't work for him. I felt that!! It reinforced the importance of again, being vocal about your needs and having a safe place in your relationship to talk about those things. Set boundaries early on and let your partner know what you will and won't accept. If that person loves you and values the relationship, they will respect your boundaries.

Relationships are hard work. They take dedication, forgiveness, selflessness, patience and two people who are willing to continually do the work together. There is so much more I've learned about relationships from other couples and from being in my own-I'll save that for Part 2.