What to know about Child Sexual Abuse

Blackwomananonymous
Jan 29, 2019
4 min read

*Warning*

This post may be triggering for some. I encourage you to read at your discretion, lean on your support or utilize your own personal methods of self care should you need to.

No child is immune to sexual abuse & predators are not just random strangers. Most conversations around sexual abuse discuss adult-on-child. Children are perpetrators of sexual abuse as well. According to the National Center of Victims of Crime, 60% of children are sexually abused by someone in their social circle. Hence, the phrase “Stranger Danger” is misleading." There is a high probability a child who is being abused, knows their abuser.

Sexual abuse is such a stigma in the black community. It happens in our churches, homes, schools, families. Black boys are taught early that sex is a sign of manhood. Little black girls are often viewed as "fast" for their developing bodies, behaviors and attire that's deemed "inappropriate." There needs to be a huge shift in the messages being sent to little boys and girls that sexual abuse is in anyway their fault or caused by anything they do.

Risk Factors

Sexual abuse is present across all spectrum's regardless of socio-economic status, race, culture, religion, sex etc. But, there are risk factors that may increase a child's chance of being victimized. A risk factor is NOT a cause of sexual abuse. Risk factors are circumstances, conditions or characteristics associated with a child or their family that have the ability to make the child more susceptible to sexual abuse. According to Darkness to Light,

African American children have almost twice the risk of sexual abuse than white children. Children of Hispanic ethnicity have a slightly greater risk than non-Hispanic white children.
30% of children are abused by family members.
As many as 40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, or more powerful children.
Females are five times more likely to be abused than males.
About 60% of children who are sexually abused are abused by people the family trusts.

Grooming

Grooming is the process by which an offender draws a victim into a sexual relationship and maintains the relationship in secrecy. Not only are victims groomed, families are too. Perpetrators seek to victimize children who have poor boundaries, low self esteem, lack family support, home stability etc.

Grooming starts by perpetrators, building trust in their victims and their family/support system. Trust is built by offering gifts in the form of candy, money, toys, trips. Perpetrators seek to fill a void or need with their victims. This eventually leads to isolation. Perps will find or create an opportunity for he/she to be along with their victim. Gradually crossing physical boundaries and encouraging children to keep secrets using built trust, blame or threats.

What parents and caregivers can do

I've found that many parents are either uncomfortable with speaking to their children about their bodies, prevention etc. or are very vague with their explanations and reasoning. Below are a few things parents can do.

Teach children boundaries and they have control of their bodies. This could be as simple as teaching children to ask permission before touching another child (hugging). Allowing a child autonomy and the choice to give out forms of affection to adults, as they feel comfortable. Forcing a child to show affection may send the message that their choice doesn't matter. IT MATTERS . Also, explaining to children "stop" and "no" are okay words to use.
Tell your child that secrets are not okay. No matter what.
Monitor online and cell phone activity. (if your child is old enough to utilize)
Talk to children about their body parts early. Stay away from giving them "playful" or "cute' names. It is perfectly healthy for children to feel comfortable with utilizing accurate words for their body parts and knowing where they are.
Avoid places where children have the opportunity to be isolated or left alone without trusted adult supervision. This include bathrooms, with other groups of children, church events, any type of sports or extracurricular activity, sleepovers etc.
Keep open, effective communication. Children have to feel valued, respected and safe. They need to feel they can come to a stable adult, caregiver or parent they can trust without fear of rejection, blame or an angered response. If not, they may internalize or take their issues to their friends or another person who could very well be someone who is ill-equip to give them healthy, sound advice.
Be careful about the messages you send to children. I listened to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast: Session 90 where Dr. Joy and Spirit, LPC spoke about Child Abuse and what every parent needs to know about perpetrators. Spirit gave amazing insight on how parents can sometimes send the wrong message in their communication styles. Regardless of their intention. For example, a child may hear a parent say "If this happened to my child, I'd hurt someone or I'd go to jail to protect me baby." The parent may feel the message sent is one of protection and care. However, to a child who may not be able to fully process those words, it may scare them. A child may think "I don't want my mom or dad to go to jail...what if they leave me here?" Which in turn, may cause the child stay silent to avoid any repercussions.