Upward Comparison

With social media at the forefront, it has become much easier to fall into the destructive habit of upwardly comparing ourselves to others. Upward comparison is a psychological term that refers to the act of comparing ourselves to people we feel are better than us. We make assumptions based off of the perception of someone's life without knowing the complete story. This builds anxiety, depression, envy, jealousy and resentment. Most people are only posting their achievements and "highlights" and rarely put a spotlight on their failures, insecurities, mistakes or inner criticism that sometimes sneaks in to say "you're not good enough."

The bottom line is:

1. We don't know what that person had to go through to get where they are today.

2. There is no such thing as a perfect life.

3. One persons life and experience is just as important and valid as anyone else's.

The toxicity of comparison is unhealthy and unrealistic.

Below are questions to consider before you get wrapped in the cycle of upward comparison and ways to deal with social media in a healthy way.

1. Reflect:

Ask yourself...

• What am I doing to build myself up?

• ​Do I have any goals I need to accomplish?

• How does comparing myself help my situation?

• What makes me happy?

• How much of their story do I not know?

• Can I spend this time being more productive?

• Is this a distraction from the changes I need to make in my life or ideas I want to turn into a reality?

• Am I truly fulfilled?

• Are these negative feelings a reflection or result of something else in my life?

• Is the perception of this persons life true?

What to do...

• Focus on your strengths. What are things you do well? What are your weaknesses? Appreciate your strengths and work on improving and enhancing your weaknesses.

• Invest in yourself. Make a list of the short or long term goals you have and map out a timeline or checklist to complete.

• Be present in the moment. Appreciate what you currently have. Time is wasted by dwelling on the what if's of life instead of what's happening right now.

• Find inspiration without the comparison. We can draw connection and ideas from others without being envious or negative.

2. Use Social Media Mindfully.

• This means limiting your time online. Give yourself a specific time period to check/browse your social media pages. With each minute of time you spend browsing, make space in your life for setting and attaining achievable goals and nourishing your own ideas.

• Post with purpose. Be mindful of your intention.

• Let go of the outcome after posting.

• Eliminate social media use before bed.

• Try not to browse social media first thing in the morning.

• Mute or unfollow accounts that make you feel inferior or behind in life. But also honestly evaluate where these feelings are really coming from. Is there a gap you're trying to fill within yourself? Are your needs being met?

• Disconnect yourself from your account periodically. Sometimes we need to declutter our minds from the outside world to recharge ourselves.

Overall, I just think it's important to find ways to be secure and happy in our own lives and not be intimidated or shamed by the fake perceptions of social media. No one has a perfect life.

Resources

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-social-comparison-process-2795872